The Incredibles: Romantic Conflict, Done Well

A lot of stories — from historical novels to science fiction series and everything in between — deal with romantic drama. It’s simply too easy to have your main love interests fall in love right off the bat with no obstacles or challenges. Any good storyteller knows that conflict generates interest in your story, and so a lot of them throw romantic drama in somewhat haphazardly, hoping it will make their romantic subplot more interesting.

But that isn’t the case. 

As we’ve explored time and time again on the blog, there’s a lot more to romantic tension than most people think, and treating it too lightly can result in disaster — not only for your star crossed couple, but also for the rest of your work. 

So what does generate realistic, believable romantic tension?

I was surprised to find the answer in a children’s animated superhero movie. That’s because Pixar’s The Incredibles not only nails its characters and their arcs, but also the very-believeable romantic conflict that takes place between their main couple. 

The Incredibles

Years ago, the superhero couple Mr. Incredible and Elastigirl set aside their alter egos for the last time and donned identities as average civilians named Bob and Helen Parr. After the government banned superhero activity across the board, they had no choice but settle down to civilian life and try to raise their superpowered family as normally as possible.

Fifteen years later, Mr. Incredible finds civilian life no easier than when they started. His home office has become a shrine to his glory days, when he protected others and stopped disasters before anyone got hurt. Newspapers, colorful photos, and heartfelt notes from the era cover his wall. When he can manage it, he relives his past as a superhero with friends, stopping robberies and rescuing people from burning buildings incognito. But the whole time, he longs to return to the past and get a shot at superhero life once more.

Meanwhile, Elastigirl has fully accepted her new identity as Helen Parr. She’s content to have an almost-average life and focus on their family, which she sees as far more important than anything else. While she didn’t agree with the government’s decision to stop superhero activity, she understands why it happened, recognizes there’s nothing they can do about it, and is content living life as a stay at home mom raising three children.

Both of them generally avoid the topic of superheroes, because whenever it comes up, their disagreements resurface sharply. 

But that becomes impossible when Bob is offered the chance to work undercover as a superhero once more. Having just been let go from his job for superpowered activity, he has no other way to provide for his family. So he tells Helen he’s been offered a promotion and is headed to a business trip, then slips into his old suit and mask to become Mr. Incredible again.

Writing Believeable Romantic Conflict

The Incredibles is by no means a romance. It’s an action movie (primarily) for children. An argument could be made that the focus of the movie is colorful costumes, exciting action scenes, and heroic characters stopping bad guys. It doesn’t set out to put a complicated, heart-wrenching romance as the central conflict. Yet its romance is better developed and more realistic than most novels dedicated exclusively to the subject.

And I think that’s one of the reasons it worked so well. We’ve all read books with a romance “subplot” that ended up seriously distracting from the real conflict and coming across as overdone or unimportant. They’re the kinds of stories where you ask why anyone cares about a  highschool breakup when the world is ending.

The Incredibles’ romantic drama is not that.

Whether you’re writing a full-blown romantic novel centering exclusively around a couple and their relationship or just a subplot, it’s important to write a quality arc that adds to your book, rather than detracting from it. 

Last year, we used The Hunger Games to address a very specific question — how to write a love triangle that isn’t annoying. The Incredibles can expand the answer to that question and apply some of the same principles to the general idea of fictional romances in general.

The reason for that is that the conflict between Bob and Helen did not involve misunderstandings, petty immaturity, or random happenstance. Their arguments were not contrived by circumstances that would never occur in real life, clearly orchestrated by the author to generate tension. 

Instead, their conflict came from a genuine, deep-seated difference in perspective that takes a lot more time and effort to unpack.

Bob prioritizes his career, ambitions, and ability to help people over almost everything. While he loves his family, he’s dying to experience the rush of risking everything for others, to feel like an indispensable part of his community and find purpose in the rewards of helping others.

Helen prioritizes their family over everything. To her, nothing is more important than Dash’s misbehavior in school, Violet’s loneliness, and Jackjack’s safety. She’s found purpose and fulfillment in their home that she can’t find anywhere else.

They have two diametrically opposed perspectives coming from two completely different value systems.

And that difference is what makes their romantic conflict so believable.

If you want your romantic conflict to seem relevant, realistic, and high-stakes, ground it in different values. Have one partner prioritize their dreams, while the other puts their effort into their relationships. Have one assume people are basically good, while the other believes them to be generally evil. Let them disagree on politics or philosophy because those disagreements have their root in a value system that is a fundamental part of who they are. 

These beliefs aren’t just surface-level opinions, and that’s the reason this kind of romantic conflict is so believable. And it’s also how most real-life conflict goes. Every conflict you have is either a symptom of a deeper disagreement or a miscommunication.

And the miscommunication trope is far over-done. A relationship rarely starts in the first place if the two can’t effectively communicate. For a long-time married couple like Bob and Helen, it starts to seem downright unrealistic. And on top of that, it tends to make the romantic tension seem surface-level and superficial, rather than deep and relevant. 

So now that we’ve defined what romantic conflict is, I think it’s useful to look at some of the ways that it can be written so that it feels organic. The Incredibles specifically used three tools to make sure their romantic conflict was organic. 

1. Use the Romantic Tension to Explore other Conflicts

I talked about this a lot in my Hunger Games article, but don’t just use the romantic tension as an excuse to have conflict. Tie it to a deeper theme in your work and make sure the differing values come from the values your work is exploring. The Incredibles is directly answering questions about family, purpose, and fulfillment in sacrifice, so having their two main protagonists differ so strongly on these ideas was one of the best ways to stir up those themes and ideas in a way that is relevant to the story.

2. Both Characters Should Have Flaws that Come from Misbeliefs

A lot of books either have one character who was entirely in the wrong and the other just benevolently forgives them or has both characters respond badly to a less-than ideal situation. This is one of the quickest ways for me to stop rooting for your main couple. If one partner abuses the forgiveness of the other or both of them react badly to the slightest sign of conflict, that shows neither of them are ready for a relationship. Demonstrating they can weather conflict with maturity while also having that conflict be plot-worthy is a delicate balancing act. 

The best way to fix this is by having their flaws come from their misbeliefs. I talked about this a lot in this article on Brave, but put simply, rather than giving your characters a basic flaw (“arrogant,” “sulky,” “cruel,” etc.) have their flaws flow from a deeper misbelief brought on by their differing perspectives. Have Helen value family so much that she misses how discontent Bob has gotten, how she could help, and the legitimate value that comes from risking your life to help others. Let Bob idolize heroism so much that he misses the importance and purpose that comes from family life. Both characters faced consequences because of their flaws, and both grew past them by the end of the movie.

3. Give Them A Meaningful Resolution

This will flow directly out of the last tip, because letting your characters have a meaningful resolution means showing your readers that conflict like they just went through won’t happen again. Miscommunication conflict simply can’t get this kind of payoff because there’s no guarantee a miscommunication won’t happen again.

Instead, this will come when the flaws and misbeliefs of your two characters are acknowledged, resolved, and that resolution is demonstrated in the climax. Both Bob and Helen recognized ways they had been wrong and then demonstrated their change in the final battle with Syndrome. Bob prioritized their home and family over everything, not caring about glory, recognition, or prominence. Helen did not hesitate to don her mask and use her powers to protect others. 

That final battle gave them an opportunity to show that this kind of conflict won’t (or shouldn’t) show up in their relationship again.

So if you want to write believable, realistic romantic conflict, don’t fall back on the basic miscommunication trope. Instead, dive into your character’s differing perspectives and look at how those impact the theme of your work. Then set specific events in motion that bring those differences to light in sharp contrast. That setup will generate conflict that will be much more organic and genuine than almost every other kind of romantic tension.

Let us know:

What romantic conflicts have you noticed stem from differing perspectives and misbeliefs?